Nuns & Vegans

I've found out recently that I write better than I speak.
Also, that I would rather write than speak, so it's a good thing that I am here.

Since I am so busy these days with planning my wedding (which happens to be in four weeks) there are long periods of silence coming from my side of the world and unfortunately, a huge lack of anything profound.

I'm working on caring less. I never thought that would be an issue with me, but it really is. It's a big problem. Caring makes me obsess and obsessing makes me stress and stressing makes me go mad and crazy when things don't go the way I plan.

For someone like me with this particular problem, planning a wedding has been mayhem.
Martha Stewart knows nothing. She never wrote any articles on what to do when everything goes wrong. 'What to do when your wedding turns out to be someone elses'.  Thanks alot for the million and a half pointless pages of cake toppers and guest favors, but none of this comes in handy when you care too much.

But, seriously, along with the endless lists of wedding to do's I have seperate lists for other things and people that I shall not mention here.
I enjoy my job, my calling, but wedding + calling don't mix.

Back to where I started; I have discovered that teaching is not my strong point. I am so okay with admitting this. I only wish I could be better, and I know the more I work on it the better I will be, but for the time being it's a battle that's not even appealing to fight in.

It feels like I'm always asked to do something that I'm in no shape to do at all.
I like it though, because experience is testimony.

Other random thoughts from today:
I hate that vintage is becoming trendy.
Thou shalt always be original. For the love.
Losing things gets easier as the world gets older.

-Bet

p.s.
K.W., thanks for the beautiful advice.
I will read that book as soon as I can get my hands on it!

leaps & bounds

the beauty of blogging, i've missed you!

so much has been on my mind with wedding/life planning. moving, dress fittings, work, education, pensacola, possibilities, trying not to lose myself in it all. 

i don't even want to talk about myself, i get enough of that. 
this used to be my haven and then i found i didn't need it as much anymore.
which was a good thing for a while, but now i miss my old hiding place. 

i hate when i'm writing and i think too much about what i want to say.
it's so much better to just think and move your fingers at the same time and then read what comes out and surprise yourself.

there seems to be so many variables to living that i never knew until i got engaged.
so many endless possibilities that are destined to not only test your capicity for stress, but to stretch your capicity for trust.

ah, well, who knows what the future holds, but the One who holds it?


pillar of fire
pearls on a string
from the greatest desires to the simplest things
i am not defeated
i will never be
i was made for mountains
30,000 feet

the matter

Every Sunday I have a new routine. A new routine of preparing. A routine that breaks my heart when I open my eyes and begin it.

I steel my heart to be calm and composed.

I think to myself that it's not fair. I ask, "Why am I the one having to go through this?".

No one else will understand. This is soley for myself. And I'm sorry for being selfish, but there's no one around who wants to listen to this, I don't even want to hear it for myself. I think that maybe if I write it out it will be easier to get over......please let that be true!

I know God puts certain things in our paths for us to be able to confront and conquer the weaknesses in ourselves, but this one seems so random.......and it hurts like heck.
I mean, it really hurts......

Who knew I could be so insecure?
Who knew I was so jealous?
Where did this bitterness come from?
And how can it go away?

He is so revealing.
He's uncovering me in the shadow of His wings.

everything beautiful

my week has been made by these beautiful things, in particular order...
amanda usry
buying birthday presents
curtis curry
cooking
cologne
dollar movie theaters
diamond rings
drinking fountains
downtown
free bras
feist
florida
friends
good preaching
green beans
habachi
inboxes
interns
jokes
kentucky
kingsway
laughter
magazines
messages
macaroni&cheese
new
pictures
pensacola
pedicures
presents
pastors
quiet time
road trips
red lights
rick pino
spending money
surprises
the word
the move
voicemails
worship
xanga
youth

the thing is is that....